My First Year

This story by huny is used on the Old Tom Archive with permission.

As instructed by my Mas­ter, i have writ­ten a piece about the past year in my life, the changes brought about by my sub­mis­sion in this Real time rela­tion­ship. Our inten­tion was to post it in SSS. How­ever, due to the flam­ing that con­tin­ues there, i am reluc­tant to spill some­thing so per­sonal out where ill-​​minded and mean spir­ited peo­ple lurk. i also do not wish to be chal­lenged about my feel­ings or views. i am not an author­ity on any­thing or any­one but myself. But i do wish to share as does He. i love the con­ver­sa­tion sparked by such revelations.

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A year ago, a life­time ago We placed our hearts in each other’s hands and entrusted each other to care for, nur­ture, and heal the man­gled organ we each held. Mine now only aches with love and pas­sion and I look and see that Yours beats strong also. We did good, Mas­ter. We found the right One this time. We fit together walking.

A year ago, i knelt before You trem­bling as You fas­tened Your col­lar of gold around my neck. i had dreamt of this for a month of eter­nity. Only a mere 18 months ear­lier, i had no idea that this kind of rela­tion­ship even existed. And only 30 days before Your col­lar graced my neck, i finally real­ized it could exist in flesh as well as on a key­board. i knelt before You and i only remem­ber say­ing that i didn’t know how to pledge my sub­mis­sion to You because You already had it.…how naïve i was then.

A year ago i thought being sub­mis­sive to You was walk­ing a pace behind You, look­ing away and not directly into Your face, keep­ing silent until spo­ken to, wait­ing on You and obey­ing Your com­mands, being spanked when I did wrong.

A year of train­ing has taken place and a life­time of learning.

i learned that You love for me to be at Your side, my lit­tle hand looped around Your strong arm, as we walk through pub­lic places together. If any­thing else, You some­times have me walk ahead of You so You can watch my ass. Some­times You have me reach for things to high or bend down and flash You and any­one else You care to show Your pos­ses­sion off to. i learned that You are proud to be seen with me. Sub­mis­sion is walk­ing proudly at Your side.

i learned that You want to see my eyes, my green eyes, at all times if pos­si­ble. You read my soul that way, You gauge my emo­tional state that way, my level of aware­ness, the depth of “huny.” i learned that You feel respected when i look You in the eye. Sub­mis­sion is look­ing You squarely in the eye and shar­ing my soul with You.

i learned that You value my intel­li­gence and seek my opin­ions on most every­thing includ­ing pol­i­tics and reli­gion even if we don’t agree. i learned that You want to under­stand my views and my ways of think­ing and that You want me to dis­agree with You if i do indeed dis­agree. i learned that You feel dis­re­spected if there is some­thing on my mind and i don’t trust our love enough to voice it. Sub­mis­sion is com­mu­ni­cat­ing to You the things that ram­ble around in this head, and trust­ing You to never be angry at me for the way i think.

i learned that being a Mas­ter does not cir­cum­vent being a Gen­tle­man. i learned that You want, no insist, that i wait for my doors to be opened by You. i learned that You want to help me on and off with my coat. i learned to wait for those things. It was hard, and many times i slipped. How many times did i jump out of the truck and real­ize, and jump back in, only to have You reopen my door, take my hand to help me out, turn me around, bend me over the seat and spank me for open­ing that door myself? Sub­mis­sion is hav­ing the patience and courage to sit and know that You will come and open my door.

i learned that obe­di­ence is the obvi­ous part of sub­mis­sion. It is a given. Obey or be pun­ished. But i also learned how to wait on You and serve You with­out wait­ing for Your direc­tions. i know You love the lit­tle things and that those lit­tle things add up to be a big thing. i know You like Your cof­fee when You get up, all fixed with the right amount of sugar and milk. i know You like that i take Your cup in the restau­rant and fix it before pass­ing it back to You. I know that You love to have me sit on the floor in front of You and rub Your feet. I know that when we sleep You like to hug my back or have me hug Yours. i know that You want the kitchen above all other rooms to be neat and tidy. i know You want my lit­tle stool taken from the cor­ner when i arrive and place next to Your chair, and put back in the cor­ner when i have to leave. i know You love hav­ing me keep my lit­tle shoes right by the front door so that You can feel my pres­ence even when we are apart. Sub­mis­sion means pleas­ing You with­out being told, more than want­ing to, actu­ally crav­ing it.

i learned that i show my sub­mis­sion to You as much or more when we are apart than when we are together, that my demeanor and words and behav­ior out­side of Your view reflects directly on my train­ing. Sub­mis­sion means show­ing pride and respect through my actions at all times. Sub­mis­sion means feel­ing a warmth when I have done well. Sub­mis­sion means com­plete con­tri­tion when I have done wrong, not out of fear but out of a sense of dis­ap­point­ing You.

i learned that I don’t always get spanked for doing things wrong. i learned that the cor­ner can be a thrilling and hum­bling place. I learned that the switch is longed for in fan­tasy and dreaded in real­ity. I learned that being bad for the sake of try­ing to get a spank­ing back­fires in two ways. First, You will not be topped from the bot­tom so the spank­ing, if one does hap­pen, is NOT plea­sur­able and is the type I try very hard to avoid. Sec­ondly, it hurts very bad to see the look of pain in Your eyes when You admin­is­ter a pun­ish­ment spank­ing. It is not what You enjoy doing. Sub­mis­sion is not manip­u­lat­ing You into doing some­thing that i want. It is hon­esty. Ask­ing for a spank­ing when i have the desire for one instead of brat­ting, not beg­ging or plead­ing to get out of one I have earned. Sub­mis­sion is smil­ing inside when You spank me just because You like doing so, even when it is 3 am and I had been in a sound sleep.

i learned that there is a dif­fer­ence between a Dom and a Mas­ter. That a Mas­ter is exactly oppo­site of the soci­etal stereo­type of a tyran­ni­cal bru­tal bully. I learned that being a Mas­ter is an awe­some under­tak­ing. It requires a firm com­mit­ment, much more than with a vanilla rela­tion­ship. You treat me like a trea­sure. You find and meet my every need, my deep­est desires. You care for me like no other Man in my life, see­ing to my com­fort and dis­com­fort. You will never leave me. You treat me softly, caress­ing my cheek with the back of Your hand. Your eyes dance when I smile. Your heart aches when I cry out to You dur­ing a pun­ish­ment, or when I am just feel­ing sad. You make love WITH me, not TO me. You teach me about You and about myself, You help me face me fears and sup­posed lim­its and help me stretch them. You help me meet dead­lines and fos­ter a sense of respon­si­bil­ity. You watch my eyes and attend to the color and tem­per­a­ture of my hands and feet when bound, lis­ten to the tone of my responses dur­ing train­ing and play, assess­ing at all times where i am. You brush my hair, You choose the panties that will be touch­ing Your trea­sured prop­erty all day. You have ded­i­cated the rest of Your life to me, as i have to You. You make me aware of Your love and Your con­trol 24 hours a day. How exhaust­ing i must be, yet You don’t show that. Sub­mis­sion is accept­ing all You give me, not want­ing more, not wor­ry­ing about less.

i have learned so many things in this one year, but my most valu­able les­son is learn­ing that there is a One-​​and-​​Only for me. This One-​​and-​​Only shares my kinks and my likes and dis­likes. This One-​​and-​​Only allows for my fan­tasies to be ful­filled with­out com­pro­mis­ing His own, allows His to be filled with­out com­pro­mis­ing mine. This One-​​and-​​Only com­pletes me. This One-​​and-​​Only wants a June Cleaver to His Ward Cleaver lifestyle with a kink on the side. Sub­mis­sion is hav­ing the warmest deep­est and best of many rela­tion­ships: Father/​daughter, Master/​slave, Lover/​lover, Husband/​wife, Teacher/​student, and best of all and for me the most pleas­antly sur­pris­ing of all Friend/​friend.

huny

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