Proposed Black Rose 2003 Seminars

Receiv­ing the Cane; Or, Can­ing from the Bot­tom Up

Sum­mary:

Bend over, and hope they know what they’re doing. That is not how to take respon­si­bil­ity for your own safety! This sem­i­nar teaches you what to watch for, and how to eval­u­ate, whether some­one can safely con­duct a can­ing scene with you. By the end of the day you’ll know more about the cane than many so-​​called experts! And, our common-​​sense tech­niques will help you more safely “bot­tom” in any BDSM scene.

Tom is accom­pa­nied by Sarah, who can answer ques­tions from the recipient’s per­spec­tive. She is his col­lared sub­mis­sive, and has par­tic­i­pated in, or observed, all of Tom’s can­ing scenes.

Gen­eral Outline:

1. Can­ing show and tell. We’ll talk about what makes a cane unique, as we take the usual tour of my toy bag.

2. How to guar­an­tee a cane stroke is safe. We’ll show the tech­niques I use to guar­an­tee safety, and explain why they guar­an­tee that safety. You can then eval­u­ate whether some other per­son knows how to guar­an­tee that same safety. Because a seri­ous error can mean long term dam­age — we have all heard the hor­ror sto­ries — we teach that no error is acceptable.

3. Even a begin­ner with the cane can (and must be) safe. It’s a mat­ter of remain­ing within your level of exper­tise. Thus, we teach you how to know if some­thing is going wrong… and the crit­i­cal impor­tance of bail­ing out of the scene imme­di­ately. This sounds very neg­a­tive, but con­sider it from the other direc­tion: If you know how to tell that some­thing is going wrong, you can there­fore tell that the scene is going right. You can relax, trust, and know that you are safe.

4. The dif­fer­ent strokes and tech­niques. Every­thing from mas­sage to mark­ing strokes to going ver­ti­cal. The cane is like a vio­lin, or piano, in that it can pro­duce a tremen­dous vari­ety of tones and moods. This is the “music appre­ci­a­tion” segment :)

5. The Sit Down Can­ing. Depend­ing on par­tic­i­pants’ mood and incli­na­tion, I can demon­strate the Sit Down tech­niques of my own inven­tion, as we con­tinue the discussion.

6. Emo­tional Safety, After­care, Per­sonal Respon­si­bil­ity. Any can­ing scene can develop unex­pected emo­tional inten­sity. Under­stand this, and under­stand that a “crash” is likely to hap­pen hours or days later. Under­stand this, so that you can take respon­si­bil­ity for hav­ing arrange­ments in place. Under­stand that in a heavy scene com­mu­ni­ca­tion becomes non­ver­bal, and safe­words there­fore become meaningless.

7. How I develop trust. I walk through some form of the above, every sin­gle time I work with a new per­son. When­ever pos­si­ble, I have that per­son watch me con­duct a sim­i­lar scene. The new per­son can see the nature of the scene, see the level of com­pe­tence, and know they will be safe.

8. Why I develop trust. The answer may be obvi­ous… and maybe not. To take you deeply into a scene, you must be able to let go, turn­ing con­trol of the scene over to me. You can­not let go unless you know you are safe. Thus by “train­ing” you before­hand, you know what to expect even though you have yet to expe­ri­ence it. As the scene pro­gresses, you know it is going cor­rectly. At each step, you can relax a bit more… and that is how I take you where you wish to go.

Final Note. Many peo­ple find it dif­fi­cult for it to be okay to enjoy a scene involv­ing seri­ous pain. There­fore it must be done to you for it to be okay. This is nor­mal human nature! We have found that our approach helps it to be okay. Once it is okay to enjoy — and this is dif­fi­cult for many peo­ple — the scenes become joint ven­tures, and you sud­denly become more able to take respon­si­bil­ity for your own fulfillment.

The Way of the Cane

Sum­mary:

The Way of the Cane is learn­ing to take your part­ner where he or she wishes to go. Scene man­age­ment is at least as impor­tant as your phys­i­cal exper­tise. As we teach you to use the cane itself, we teach you how to guar­an­tee safety from missed strokes or dan­ger­ous wrap­ping. We’ll teach you spe­cific tech­niques for devel­op­ing trust, non­ver­bal com­mu­ni­ca­tion when deep in a scene, and how to func­tion when safe­words can no longer be relevant.

Tom is accom­pa­nied by Sarah, who can answer ques­tions from the recipient’s per­spec­tive. She is his col­lared sub­mis­sive, and has par­tic­i­pated in, or observed, all of Tom’s can­ing scenes.

Gen­eral Outline:

This ses­sion is ide­ally a con­tin­u­a­tion of the “Receiv­ing” ses­sion described above. Part One is really the secret of how I con­duct a suc­cess­ful scene. Part Two, The Way of the Cane, ide­ally fol­lows the same out­line but from the per­spec­tive of orches­trat­ing the session.

If we do indeed have an over­lap of ses­sion par­tic­i­pants, I can make use of vol­un­teers through the entire ses­sion, directly demon­strat­ing what I am teach­ing. For publication/​proposal pur­poses, I’ll put a sec­ond out­line here and add the note that par­tic­i­pants from the first sem­i­nar will be wel­come to vol­un­teer as demonstrators/​demonstratees for the sec­ond seminar.

Note. The one miss­ing piece, and surely of inter­est, is a full can­ing ses­sion. My tech­nique is quite dif­fer­ent from most, and of course demon­strates what’s being taught. I need 45–60 min­utes for such a thing, which (I assume) makes it imprac­ti­cal for the sem­i­nar proper. It might be handy to be able to announce a spe­cific time and place before­hand, espe­cially if it isn’t a sem­i­nar per se. I believe kel has already volunteered… :)

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